Could-have-been love story

Happy Diwali!

It has been more than three years since I left India. However, the flavor of the spices and the brilliance of the color are deep-rooted associations that I have built with the country. At the same time, I cherish the friendship I have made there. I don't know when is the next time I could be lying on a sugarcane field and enjoy the tropical weather. However, what I do know is that I go back there often in my dreams.

My Resolutions

I will need all of you to help me overcome some of the most annoying habits that I have developed over time:

• Go to class on time
• Go to bed before 1am when nothing is due tomorrow
• Go to the gym three times a week on average
• Know the amount of time I spend each day on email, Facebook and Renren
• Don't be shy to say Hi to people I have just met

The Average Face

As a procrastinator and someone who is making little progress on her thesis, I decided to watch the online videos of Yale's Psychology Open Course. I am not sure why I have foregone the opportunity to take such comparable courses at Princeton, but, clearly, the option to listen to fun lectures without doing actual work is still an appealing one.

So, the episode I picked was on "sex" - which was apparently ranked as the number one favorite activity of all surveyed adults. However, the average time spent on sex is merely 4min per day - quite comparable to the average amount of time Americans spend on filling out tax forms.

Another interesting point made was that the most beautiful and attractive face is the average face - the average face represents genetic predispositions that are free from extreme distortions. That is quite an interesting thought and by just looking at the pictures, I can't deny that these are pretty faces. I am just curious whether there are archives of average Asian faces, rather than just Caucasian faces. I also wonder the different between the "average" face and the "ordinary" face.

Regarding the fact that human males tend to be physically stronger and more aggressive, the well-researched conclusion is that it has to do with the parental investment - that is, the difference of investing in the offsprings between male and female. The larger the difference, the larger the male/female size difference; in species where both sexes have to invest significantly to raise the offspring, the size differences disappears.

OK, I realize that I am rambling now....I'll stop here.

红豆

多年以前，一个要好的朋友常常对我说，她很痴迷王菲的红豆，也很痴迷林夕的作词。当时的我很不解风情的以为，那些都是极其无聊的作平－凡是我听不懂的看不懂的，都是极其无聊的作品。钱钟书的围城，张爱玲的短篇，老舍的骆驼祥子全都没有幸免于难。

今天，忽而再翻出那首老歌，觉得那词那曲中所透露的，是多少遗憾，多少无言的情感；好像都被凝聚在“相聚离开都有时候，没有什么会永垂不朽，可是我有时候，宁愿选择留恋不放手“。红豆也许没有奶茶的歌曲琅琅上口，但是有一种没有加牛奶的红茶的更加透彻的味道。

还没好好的感受 

雪花绽放的气候 

我们一起颤抖 

会更明白什么是温柔 

还没跟你牵著手 

走过荒芜的沙丘 

可能从此以后学会珍惜 

天长和地久 

有时候有时候 

我会相信一切有尽头 

相聚离开都有时候 

没有什么会永垂不朽 

可是我有时候 

宁愿选择留恋不放手 

等到风景都看透 

也许你会陪我看细水长流

还没为你把红豆 

熬成缠绵的伤口 

然后一起分享 

会更明白相思的哀愁 

还没好好的感受 

醒著亲吻的温柔 

可能在我左右 

你才追求孤独的自由 

有时候有时候 

我会相信一切有尽头 

相聚离开都有时候 

没有什么会永垂不朽 

可是我有时候 

宁愿选择留恋不放手 

等到风景都看透 

也许你会陪我看细水长流

有时候有时候 

我会相信一切有尽头 

相聚离开都有时候 

没有什么会永垂不朽 

可是我有时候 

宁愿选择留恋不放手 

等到风景都看透 

也许你会陪我看细水长流

Finance and Good Society

Finance and good society seems to be an oxymoron - that is why Prof. Robert Shiller (economics professor at Yale http://lectures.princeton.edu/?p=822) had to use it to attract attention while he was giving the public lecture at Princeton.

I don't think I learned anything about the Dodd-Frand Act or Basel III. However, I did learn a few interesting things:

-The term "good society" first appeared in 1800-1830 when the new Americans had to convince the native population of the Western notion of civil society.

-The lake Carnegie right behind where I live is indeed dug out using the funds provided by Andrew Carnegie (Duh). Obviously, I have heard that the lake was artificially created so that the Princeton crew team would have a legitimate practice and competition place, but, not having any American common sense, I would have never associated the name of the Lake with its donor. I mean, I don't know any lake, river, or even famous building in China that are named after the donor - it is just not the norm in my mind.

-The tax exemption clause does not exemption charitable givings to foreign countries - you can't donate to school in Canada or buy vaccines for African countries. This is essentially nationalistic and rather upsetting. Even though we get tired of hearing about the international nature of humanistic values that should go beyond national boarders, the IRS does not encourage that at all. Maybe, in the future, I have to really think about how I want to allocate my money - if I ever have extra money to donate at all.

-The Forbes top 400 riches has only two entertainers; Oprah Winfrey is one of them. At the same time, the 100th wealthiest celebrity made $6.5 million last year.

Other than these rather entertaining facts, by providing a fair amount of personal accounts, Prof. Shiller is truly addressing to the general public, without the bookish sense of the typical academic research. I can't deny that he is a very good and engaging speech maker. And I guess that is about it.

From ECO312 Lecture

The touch,

can be gentle,

can be soothing,

can ignite fire.

There is a river,

flowing underneath your heart,

that floods,

the entire ranch.

You look at the stars,

You wonder if they are far apart,

if they are lonely,

despite their shine.

Lying down,

you feel the velvet,

something corporeal,

something immortal.

The Trap of Life

When I was little, I thought my life will be a miracle. It will be mine; It will be special; It will be absolutely fantastic no matter what I do.

Well, the reality is that more and more I realize that I am no more special than any other kid. The only difference is that I have the person that I am in charge of. Then, it is no wonder why I want my life to be different, colorful and amazing.

It is a terribly disturbing thought that I have to deal with a dull, uninteresting and uneventful life. However, the similarities between my life and other peoples' lives make me feel uncomfortable. And then, it is probably hard for me to understand that the exciting moments are momentary and the dull and the uneventful will be 99.9% of my existence.

Wave

Disclaimer: I am not talking about the Google Wave.

Wave is related to the ups and downs. I feel that I still haven't stepped out my wavy mood of that of a typical teenager. I am not sure why. This strong sense of irritability drives me nuts. Websites of dubious nature claim that irritability in teenager is a sign of depression. Oh, well, I am no longer a teenager.

The problem at hand right now is my unending skepticism and limited trust that I am willing to dedicate to the people surround me. Well, by no means I am saying that people are all evil and should not be trusted. In fact, I believe people are fundamentally kind-hearted, because human being have to live in a group to live and survive. Instead, what I am saying is that the pitfalls of human nature is so inevitable such that I don't want to risk myself.

This sounds so stupid as I am putting my ideas down. However, I feel powerless for change, powerless to admit that I used to be stupid and naive, and unwilling to reconcile my imperfect self with my ideal self image that was formed in the excessive love of my parents.

Now it comes to talking about a solution. Maybe, solution is too definitive of a word that puts another layer of perfectionism to complicate my dilemma even further. All I want to say is that it is time to continue my reading, my work and my life. 

What I Loved. From Siri.

It has been a long while ever since I read a novel book. It moved me. It probed me into thinking about my life in a way that I have never been able to. I do not know whether it has anything to do with the fact that I have never read poignant contemporary English novels. But, what indeed is true is that I have found that another person who is equally capable to feel but more capable to express.

This ability of expression makes me happy. It makes me feel as if my world is more complete than ever. Before, my life had been just my experience and the experience was not uttered and shared. I lacked the verbal capability to express and I lacked the opportunity to learn from the others. I am not sure whether I have lacked an audience. Well, I probably did. I had missed that train last time. I am not going to miss that again.

The story of What I Loved is about the love that is cherished but lost. Does it not sound like cliché when I put it down so blatantly this way? I guess love is never cliché, no matter how much people might think it is, including me sometimes. In retrospect, living in an artless world is a horror. To be precise, it was not an artless world that I had been living in, but rather, it was an artful world whose aesthetics is way beyond my grasp. It made me mute. It made me dull. And now, I see my feeling and sensation reviving.

I don’t actually know whether there is something called vanity that I seem to value so much. However, I do reckon that a lot of my motivation and ambition does not necessary fall into the tendency of trying to say within my own little comfort zone.

After all, I am glad that I feel I am a fuller human being.

New Camera and New Photo

The Window.

Passport Fiasco

My passport is going to expire soon. I was freaking out. It turns out all right now!